pour them onto me

i know you think the world is against you right now. i know what i’m doing is and will never be enough to soothe your agony, to make you utterly happy. do one thing for me, will you? pour them onto me, my love.

the pain. the sadness. the things your heart never wanted to feel in the first place.the hate. the sufferings. the things you shouldn’t be feeling. the heartache. the anger. the things dealt with you by this cruel and wretched world that doesn’t deserve you.

pour them onto me, my dear. everything. your dreams. your secrets. your favorite memories. your desires. your favorite place. oh, i want to be your saving grace. i will be here waiting for them (for you) with arms outstretched and a smile on my face and a whisper from my lips:

i love you despite all of these.” 

—–

i crawl under your skin, looking for a way towards your heart. i can see you struggling. i can see you -with tears blurring my vision- fighting. i can see every part of you working hard. i reach for your heart, admiring the strength of this boy who just doesn’t stop when all he wanted was to give up. i can see it now. weak but still doing its best to pump blood to every vessel, every ventricle-willing itself to do its job.

“i’m here. let me take care of you. you can rest now.”

Me and my (dangerous) thoughts

7:33 PM I think of you and the thousands of possibilities of seeing you tomorrow and the days after that. Or maybe in the afterlife. Or in alternate universes. (Will we end up together anyway?)

8:05 PM Why does he love me? I don’t think I deserve him. He’s too amazing. Oh God. What if he likes another girl? What if she’s prettier than me? Fuck. I’m not even pretty. (Out of the 7 billion people in the world, why me?)

8:17 PM I’m so flawed. I have ugly parts that I wouldn’t want you to see. (Will you still love me when you wake up in the morning?)

8:22 PM I love you enough to show you the things I’m so insecure about. The things that I don’t even like about myself. The things I’d do anything to change them. (I hope you won’t change your mind once you see me)

9:42 PM I’m beyond thankful. I have you. You love all the sides, crevices and dirt that make me…ME. (Why? How?)

9:59 PM I’m absolutely sure that I am in love you. (This I will never question.)

10:17 PM God. I miss him. I just want to see his face. Hear his voice. Run my hands through his hair. I swear that if this is the last day of my life, I’d wish to see his eyes before I die. (Please don’t leave me.)

10:34 PM What am I doing? I wonder if he’s dreaming of me right now? Has he ever dreamed of someone else? Has he ever wanted someone just as bad? (God. How can I be so possessive over you?)

10:40 PM I upset myself over thoughts of the past. Mine and his. (I hope I can erase your past and mine and live in the idea of just you and I; the perfect fairytale story)

11:02 PM Yes. I think about the sweet things you’ve said to girls before. And I hate how jealous I get over your past relationships. I hate how hypocritical my thoughts are. I hate how badly I want to be the first. I hate that I need to be reassured Every. Damn. Day. that you are mine. And I am yours. (I’m sorry.)

12:05 PM I’m scared. (I always will be.)

12:15 PM Oh, the things I would do for you. (Anything and everything)

12:46 PM I’m insane. You don’t care. I love you. (Thank you.)